How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Randomize
