im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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