i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
