ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize
