nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Randomize
