He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Randomize