maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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