I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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