he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
