fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Randomize
