He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
