Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
