FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
