Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Randomize
