Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
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