The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
