How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
