Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
