Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Randomize
