Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
