I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
