dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
