Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Randomize
