i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
