Sry I called you an 8
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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