Only a mothe r could love this liver
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Randomize