I got chris browned last night
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Randomize
