Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
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