If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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