Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Randomize
