dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
The chlamydia really affected his face.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
