he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
