Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize