filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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