when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
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