So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
