My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
My penis needs a shock collar
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
