The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
