It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Randomize
