i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
