My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Randomize
