My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Randomize
