He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
