Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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