next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Randomize
