420 ftw
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
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