census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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