imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Randomize
