I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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