I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
sex in a hospital.. check
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
