peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
