I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
