Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Randomize
