Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize