I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Just pee around me
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
