Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
