Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
