I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
