I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
