i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
