The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
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