bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
