I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
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