I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
