I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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