We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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