Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
We need to rekindle our bromance
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Randomize
