some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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