if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Randomize
