im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
