Pregnant stripper...not hot.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
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