I just made out with a guy for $7.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
