while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
