I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
