I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize
