ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Randomize
