btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
