Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
