I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
