dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
he puts the penis in happiness.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
