i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I'm like, not good at living.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
