Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
