I look better un-naked...
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Randomize