Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Randomize
