I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
