I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
