You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
BRING THE BAGELS
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Randomize
