I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
