one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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