you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
