i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I need to sanitize my soul.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
