you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
