Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
