New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Randomize
