I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
