I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Randomize
