Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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