12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
