You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Randomize