Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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