today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
