Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
