the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Randomize
