take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Houston, we have a blender
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
