I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
