remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
