i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Randomize
