halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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